Dear Predators

Dear Predators,
If you think that it is a pleasure to grab me with your dirty claws,
With your nasty words and with your disgusting sights
I seriously think
that you are such pathetic testosterone-driven creatures
For man with dignity
would not need to work that hard to get some good catch

After all, charms are not at all about how macho you are
How big your muscles and your mouth are,
And how successful you might think
when you could make a seemed-to-be prey like me feeling sick
So may I ask you a question:
are you desperate, sick, or are you dumb?

Dear Predators,
I am not a piece of meat,
I am not your prey
Deep inside this skin, there is a human with dignity
There is a human being that lives not only for herself, her pleasures, her self-existence

There is a human whose life is as precious as yours
Whose womb and whose form are just like your mother's, your sister's, and maybe your wives
So if you love them,
You should think of them when your savage soul roars
But if you don't
break them free from the pain of shameful bounds
of being related to you


Dear Predators,
If you think I am weak, you are wrong
I would always speak up, and fight back
I would scare you out and I would make you feel stupid
I would walk my talk and I would make you feel sorry
I would break you and I would crash you down
Coz NO ONE, no one has the right to threat me, harass me or scare me

So you'll know the rule of the contemporary game
And you know what, I guarantee:
The big "L" is not marked on me!

*My message to the Predators, after 2 harassment incidents on Central Ave and Washington Ave, Albany - July 14, 2009
Ladies, fight back!

At the Face of My Faith

I'm not in any ways conforming you,
confronting you,
nor confirming to you
So I'll let you speak,
but I'm not listening to you

I'm in the space of my own
A humble hut that I call my palace of freedom
Where I feel the peace of being myself
and be with myself

I need not to hang on to regrets
for what has been done means the vanishing stories
I need not to hold on to bitterness
because today's flowers are too gorgeous to miss

Then I would turn my tears into sparkling dew
My sorrow turn into the contentment
My happiness is here
My life is now

My hope is here
Standing still and stronger

Times and tears have washed away my pain
and after all, I know I've done my best
and that way, I've never been the loser
At the face of my faith...

AW, Albany, April 28, 2009

My Solitary Love

Hey,
don't hurt me
don't touch me at the place where I used to feel hurt
you wake those pain up
and I don't want to be, for the last time wounded

I am me, and I am special
it takes time to build the special me
and it's still fragile

But I guess you just don't see it, no?
for my agent of pain is invisible
and you would insist
that it's not your fault to get me into the hurt

I am me, and I am special
a wise man I know told me,
I shan't count on others to make me feel special
yet I'm yielding to a little respect

A little apology, a little understanding
a little recognition that I am outstanding
won't make you a dishonored warrior

But I guess that wise man was right
I should count on to none
that little understanding should come from my dear heart
and so should that recognition

If none embrace me with his love
then it's me who has to embrace it
if none understand me for being myself
then it's me who has to understand first

Then,
I should protect me
I should love myself
then none's going to hurt me, not you, nor the past
for I am, the honored warrior of my heart...

Sunday, January 11, 2009 at 1:19am

Being Loved by You

Ya Habibi,
It's been so long that I haven't feel you so close
Face to face in lonely night like this
I feel that I can talk to you,
With you

Ya Habibi,
I miss the nights like this
Having our private rendezvous,
When you are actually so busy with millions of request from the others' prayers,
I feel so special because you spare your ultimate time with me,

Special because I can hear you say that I am the love of my life,
That I am loved,
That You love me.
When it's cold, I have you embracing so close
When I feel weak, you hold my soul so gently

Ya Habibi,
allow me to say what is in my head today:
I miss sleeping under your black sky with those sparkling stars
I miss to see that big arch of rainbow in the sky
I miss to hear the ocean kisses the shore with its passionate rush
I miss to wake up at the sunrise then dance in the tide

Cherishing the lights that you lend to my life
Washing away my fears and worries
Feeling your liberation
Realizing that you make me feel tall
Talking with you while everyone else is deep in their sleep
Crying in your embrace,
Telling you that I feel weak
Letting you know that I am scared

Screaming to you that I don't feel like moving on
Murmuring my pain
Asking you whether I would be alright
Asking you to take care of the people that I love
Describing my dreams
Listing down my life options,

And wondering:
Will tomorrow be a better day?
Will I be loved?
Will I be accepted?
Will I be able to dance and sing again in morning tides?
Will I see the beauty that I saw before?
Will my life be okay?
Will I be in places that would make me feel happy?
Will I see my friends again?
Will there be a brave warrior saving me from my agony?
Will I be a mother?
Will I be healthy?
Will you allow me to travel the world?
Will I be good?
Will You always love me, Habibi?

And among all those questions, I know only one answer:
YES, You will always love me
Because You are Ar Rahmaan, because You are Ar Rahiim
The Love, the Compassionate One
Because You are my designer, my creator,
thus You understand me perfectly

Then I know that now I can sleep peacefully
Because after all,
There's nothing to worry about,
And nothing else matters,
But being loved by only You, my Almighty!


AW, August 26, 2009
4th day of Ramadan...

Reminiscence

Do you want to remember,
or do you prefer to forget?
Exist, or vanish?
Preserve, demolish?

If remembering tears you apart
If the supposed-to-be existence is a shadow that you can't touch
If the memories are such the warm breeze that you can't embrace
If looking back breaks your heart,
Do you want to forget?

In the pieces of you, his substances exist
The shadow falls from the reflection of your inner light
In the warm breeze you inhale his scent
Looking back, you see yourself smiled
Would you still try to forget?

If remembering can bring me back then to the innocence
When love is nothing but the warmth that washes my soul
The cloud beds that craddle my sweetest dreams
The possibilities, the joy, the hopes, the sparks
I wouldn't want to forget

If remembering can bring me back the hopes
That I could see again my future with a person
building a life that is not just about me
sharing the love that is not only about posession and jealousy
holding a hand that I would hold until it's old and wrinkled
caring and loving unconditionally
then I don't want to forget

Funny to realize that hopes lied in the past,
What I used to believe is what I want to believe,
In this empty present I seek for fulfillness from the no-longer-exist-fulfilled past
Then would I,
In my reminescence,
Move forward?

*for those who's still anchoring their future at the past...
AW - Albany, August 27, 2009

*Rem•i•nis•cence
Pronunciation: \re-ˈni-sən(t)s\
(From Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
Function: noun
Date: 1589
1 : apprehension of a Platonic idea as if it had been known in a previous existence
2 a : recall to mind of a long-forgotten experience or fact b : the process or practice of thinking or telling about past experiences
3 a : a remembered experience b : an account of a memorable experience —often used in plural
4 : something so like another as to be regarded as an unconscious repetition, imitation, or survival